


I Don't Do Lonely Well

by Fangirlingmanaged



Series: Country inspired fics [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, M/M, Self-Destructive Tendencies, Steve Makes It Better, Steve's a Good Boyfriend, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:25:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlingmanaged/pseuds/Fangirlingmanaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin Hammer's a prick, everyone knows that, and not particularly smart. So, how in the hell did he find out about Howard's drinking and the goddamn consequences of that?<br/>The one were the Avengers find out about Howard's drinking/abuse and Tony freaks out about it. Steve makes it better though, 'cause he knows his genius that well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Do Lonely Well

**Author's Note:**

> So, I love Tony angst. Just, you know, wanted to get that out there. I was feeling down (again) and decided to put the angst out there for the good of the fandom. I literally adore Steve sometimes cause i picture him to be really old fashioned and sweet and stuff, you know? So, here's the result of two hours of arduous work. Not beta'd (i finally figured out what that means, yay!) and if you spot any mistakes, I thank you in advance for letting me know. (See, psychology, now you're gonna point them out ;D)

_“_ _I’m sorry, Tony, but I think we should end our relationship. I just… I can’t put up with this anymore. You won’t talk to me; you won’t tell me what’s going on with you anymore. I had to find out about your dad from Steve… and I just… I feel like we shouldn’t be together. Not when you don’t trust me.”_

_“I wanted to, Pepper. I wanted to tell you about Howard, about what’s going on with the company and what Obi… I just don’t… I don’t know_ how _this is supposed to work. I haven’t told anyone about this except—“_

 _“Except Steve,_ of course _” and the way Pepper says it. the way the words come out, they tear at something inside Tony’s chest, something he can’t quite acknowledge, not even to himself. Because_ this _, this tug at his heartstrings… that’s something only Pepper had done before, and now Pepper is most certainly_ not _doing that, and that just means Tony’s messed up doesn’t it because if he can’t…_ care _for this amazing girl, then what the hell, how’s the whole Steve thing going to work out._

_“Pepper, it’s not—“_

_“Stop, Tony, just… stop lying to us both. Especially to yourself.”_

            And that had been about three weeks before, before the whole clustefuck of events that had somehow landed him with a group of insane friends that he wouldn’t— _couldn’t_ —trade for the whole world. But damned if he wasn’t going to try, he was Tony Stark after all, and self destruction had been his MO from the moment Howard Stark had first laid hands on him.

            He was sitting in his living room couch, the one he’d molded to his body after spending gods know how many hours with a tablet in his hands, with a bottle of beer in his hands. There were about six more everywhere in the room, some of them shattered the same way his composure had. He frankly didn’t know how he’d ended up with all that alcohol in his system, how he’d decided doing what he had was a good idea… but that was bullshit too wasn’t it? He knew _exactly_ why he’d begun drinking, exactly _why_ he’d cut ties with his friends, _exactly_ why he was avoiding a blond blue eyed beauty with a heart to match.

            As with most things that went wrong with Tony in his social life, he owed the fall out with his friends to one social freak named Justin Hammer. See, Hammer had gotten into his head that the only reason Stark Industries did as well as it did was because of the “Stark Swag” (and yes the little punk had _actually_ named it that) and that, if Hammer Tech had any hope of advancement, he needed to destroy said swag. Since Justin couldn’t get to Howard Stark, the pagan god of technology not only in the country but in the whole world, he had decided Tony would be an apt substitute.

            It had begun with stupid shit like calling Tony _Anthony_ because he knew how much that bugged the young genius, to trying to cockblock him with made up facts that nobody believed, to the impressive one where he had tried to get one of his lackeys to beat him in a wrestling match without remembering that a) Tony had a personal defense instructor and b) said coach’s name was _Fury._ It had been mildly annoying to Tony at the beginning because, hello, eighteen year old high school senior, popularity was pretty much all he had. But then, about two months before, Howard and Maria Stark had died in a car accident and left Tony pretty much everything. Since Tony was already of age then, the company had been placed in his hands under the joint tutelage of one Obadiah Stane and one Edwin Jarvis. Obi took care of teaching Tony business while Jarvis made sure he didn’t succeed with the whole self-destruction thing. It was working out pretty well, until Hammer had begun doing his homework.

            Tony kind of blamed himself for that one as he kind of, maybe, had been the one to give Justin the idea of digging for _real_ information. There was only a handful of people who knew about what went on in the Stark household, most of them were family friends, but some of them had discovered that “well kept” secret by accident. James Rhodes, Tony’s best friend and co-captain of the school football team, had figured that one out after Tony’s science fair project had epically (and he’d like to emphasize the word _epic_ ) “malfunctioned” and had started shooting coffee beans at the audience. Because if Tony made a machine with an artificial intelligence it would totally be a coffee machine, obviously. The stupid thing had been supposed to be better than Dummy, huh, maybe Howard had been right and he just basically sucked at everything he did. Virginia Pepper Potts had found out because of Tony’s stupid social studies teacher who had paired them up in the eighth grade for a stupid presentation on world war two. Pepper had been adamant about doing it at his house because, hello, Tony was rich and he had a stupid library full of books and just about the best technology. So, easy A, and seeing as Howard was supposed to be out on some job thing Tony had said yes. As fate would have it, Howard had come back earlier, which _what the fuck_ , and had just on the other side of drunk. Yay. One argument, and a bruised set of wrists later, and Pepper was looking at him with that look of pity Jarvis sometimes gave him. Which, not awesome, like, at all. There were, of course, the assorted number of one night stands that Tony had brought home between ages fifteen and seventeen, an alarming number of them if he was honest with himself, who were unfortunate enough to encounter Howard in their way out.

            So, Justin had apparently gotten hold of said one night stands, because by now Tony knew better than to doubt both Rhodey and Pepper. The first few times it was simple stuff like, Howard never took care of him, or he never went to any of his practices/science fairs, or they never spent any time together. Which, again, stupid because everyone knew that. In fact, everyone _expected_ that because Howard Stark was busy running his multi _billion_ dollar company. Shit, even Tony could have lived with that. But then, Hammer had started spitting out new, horrible, and unfortunately _true_ information. About Howard’s obsession with weaponry, about his drinking and finally about the way he treated his son and wife. That little tidbit had happened just the week before, while he was sitting on the courtyard with his friends waiting for Steve to get out of football practice.

“Hey, _Anthony_ , what’s that scar on your neck from?” the little shit, and he was little, and awkward, and butt ugly if one was vicious. Which, oh, Tony was. His acne scarred face, blocky nerd as fuck glasses, and totally _not_ invisible retainers.

Everyone had looked at him like he was an idiot, Barton had even added a glare and Natasha a curled lip, but Tony had just sighed because _Justin_ _fucking Hammer._ “An experiment. Why are you even here? Daddy forgot his pet monkey? Butler avoiding you? Kissing ass for a better physics grade?” Tony’s friends had sighed, giving up on Hammer going home, and used to their antics.

Justin’s eye had twitched in annoyance for a second before the smug expression had come back online. He curled his lip before spitting out “Are you sure it’s not from _Daddy’s_ drinking?”

Tony was suddenly very glad for his tendency of wearing sunglasses even in mostly overcast weather. His body had completely frozen, staring wide eyed at Justin’s victorious grin. _Calm the fuck down,_ he’d chastised himself, _he doesn’t know. He can’t know. He’s just trying to rile you up, like always. He doesn’t know, he can’t fucking know about that. Nobody does._ “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” but even to him his voice sounded fake. Robotic, a little too controlled, hiding secrets. It was easily confirmed in the way he saw, from the corner of his eye, Natasha and Clint’s heads snap up and tilt in meditation.

“Oh, really? You don’t know that Daddy Dearest had a tendency to get too happy with the bottle? Daddy never hit you, _Anthony?_ All those scars you say are from experiments, are you sure that’s all there is to it? Isn’t that little cut on your hand from glass?” Tony could see it in the little bastard’s eyes, he had recognized and catalogued every visible scar Tony had and he’d attributed it to his father. He wasn’t wrong, but damned if Tony was going to let him spread his dirty laundry out for everyone to see.

“You better shut your goddamn mouth, Hammer,” he’d warned the other boy, standing up to tower over the slimy bastard.

Justin’s smile had been cruel, Tony remembered. Knowing exactly where he would hit next. “Mommy never protected you, _Anthony?”_ next thing anyone knew, Hammer was on the ground with a very pissed off Tony on top. He laid punch after punch on the smaller kid, the rage in his eyes visible for anyone who cared to look after his sunglasses had been knocked off.

“Tony!”

“Hey!”

“Stop, Tony, just stop.”

“He’s not worth it Tony!”

His friends’ voices didn’t even register in his head until Barton was twisting his arms backwards with his own, his voice clear and methodical in his ear, murmuring “Easy, Tony, that’s enough. That’s enough,” over and over. Clint pulled him back until he was off Hammer, sitting in front of the tree trunk he’d been before Hammer had showed up. Pepper was next to him and holding his hand in the next second. Bruce was sitting in front of him, hands on Tony’s shoes as he breathed deeply, Tony following his lead as he tried to calm his breathing.

When he refocused again he could see Natasha twisting a crying Justin’s arms backwards, how they’d gotten him belly-down Tony would never know, while Clint laid in from of him. Whatever they were saying had Hammer whimpering as if he were about to die, which made sense. Barton and Romanov were pretty lethal after all. After a minute or two of Bruce’s exercises, Tony was able to get to his fit and approach Justin. Natasha sensed him and moved off the little man’s back, Barton quickly straightened while Tony methodically flipped Justin over.

“You better listen carefully,” Tony’s voice was hoarse and deep as he pulled Hammer up by the front of his shirt. He was minutes away from a meltdown, he knew, but he had to make sure Hammer never attempted anything similar in front of the rest of the school. In a sense Tony was lucky; Justin hadn’t tried his stunt in front of the rest of his classmates, only the people that mattered. “If you _ever_ try anything like this again, this little manipulation shit you tried to do with me today, I will make you regret it. I will not only hurt you, beat you to a pulp, pull you apart piece by worthless little piece but I _will_ wipe you completely off the map. I will take your family’s contracts, I will create _better_ weapons than your father, I will take his company, break it down into nothing, and sell whatever scrap I have left to the highest bidder. Do you _get that?”_

Justin was crying by then, Tony’s expression must have been something to behold as even Barton looked impressed. Hammer nodded quickly and hesitated not in scramming as soon as Tony let him go. He looked down unseeingly at the spot where the other boy had been, all his rage gone and panic began to set in. the last thing he had wanted was Howard’s shit to fall on him. To ruin his life. It seemed he hadn’t been lucky enough to keep all that pile of crap off the rest of his life. He knew how his friends were going to see him from then on, the look of pity in his eyes, and while he took it from pretty much everyone he knew it was something he had _never_ wanted to see in these people’s faces.

“So it’s all—“ Bruce began but wasn’t able to finish as Tony suddenly stood up.

“Can you just… I just… Let’s not do this, okay? This whole… _thing_ people do when they find out. Yes, it’s true. My father was a bastard, he drank, he punched, he didn’t give a shit, okay? Life sucked all around, Tony wasn’t a spoil brat, poor him. Boo hoo, let’s not do this okay? I just… I need to get out of here,” he didn’t even let the others answer him before he broke into a mad run towards his car. Sure, Natasha or even Barton could have taken him down easy, but he could hear Pepper stalling them. She could tell them, the goddamn pity they’ll feel would surely match hers.

For the next week Tony had locked down the mansion. He called the school to tell them he had important business to attend to, they knew of his situation as defacto CEO of Stark Industries while he decided on what he was going to do, and knew he had to actually work from time to time. They didn’t question if it was true, and even if they did it’s not like they could do anything to stop him from avoiding school. He’d done nothing but mope (Jarvis’s words) and create two new prototypes for tablets, three for new alternative-energy car engines, and an amazing memory chip that had more space capabilities than anything he’d done before. He started filling it with his favorite music, of course.

His friends had been calling the whole week, of course. Pepper’s calls were the only ones he took; he’d taken one from Rhodey only to get into a screaming match with the other guy. She’d told them, she said, everything she knew about his relationship with his father. Not that he blamed her, the others were very persuasive, and she had pretty much got him off the hook of ever having to explain everything to the other misfits (his pet name for their group, it was totally meant as a compliment.)

“ _Just talk to us, Tony. Whatever it is that’s going through your head right now, it’s probably wrong.”_ He hadn’t accepted another phone call from her in the past twenty-three hours.

 _“Stark, answer your goddamn phone. Look, this is bullshit, okay? Hammer’s a prick; you can’t let him get to you like this, man. All this bullshit, you can’t handle it on your own, you know? God knows I can’t stand you most days, but… you can talk to me, you can talk to_ us. _”_

_“Stark, don’t make me do to you what I did to Hammer. I will hold you down if that’s what it takes for you to talk about your goddamn feelings for once. Pepper told us okay? And… it doesn’t change anything, Tony. Just… call us when you’re ready.”_

_“Look Tony, you don’t have to hole up because of this, okay? You're… you're one of us now. I would like to believe we’ve gotten closer these past few months, science bros and all, so you should know… you should know you can talk to me. I get being angry, I get being stubborn, but...don’ do anything stupid okay? Just… think about it, think about the rest of us, we’re worried about you. Call me back, okay?”_

_“Dear Anthony, this is Thor. I have been made aware of your predicament, and your sad past, and I am here to tell you that I am available should you wish to speak upon it. That said, I know it is a hard life you have lived, my friend, lonely as well. It does not have to be this way any longer; you have us now, dear Anthony. You can speak of whatever you wish if you decide to reply to this message, but I hope you know that we do not see you differently. You are who you have always been to us, dear friend, please… remember that.”_ And what did it say about Tony that _that_ was what had begun to crack his resolve?

 _“Thor, I really don’t see… I don’t want to… He doesn’t even like me, why would he… Dude, no, it’s not because… goddamn it, Thor, fine! Stark, Thor seems to be under the impression that you would give a damn about what I have to say. So, here it goes. Truth is you’re a pretentious, annoying prick and for the longest time I hated you (LOKI!) shut up, Thor, you wanted me to talk, so that’s what I’m doing. Anyways, I used to hate you a lot, but… Eh, you’re not so bad now I supposed. I must admit that’s mostly because of our Supernatural dates or whatever. Thing is, we’re all messed up somehow and none of us give a rat’s ass about that. We are who we are and we… care for one another because of that. Ugh, I'm about to vomit because of this sentimentality bullshit you’re making me feel but anyways… call us back. Any of us.”_ And wow, Loki getting all mushy feely on him, that said something, right?

Tony was entering his second week of confinement when Steve’s name and picture popped up on his screen. His heart wrenched painfully at it, out of all his friends Steve had been the only one _not_ to call him. It hurt, as irrational as that was since he was trying to avoid everyone, but Steve meant the world to Tony. He might as well accept it, Steven Grant Rogers had lodged himself in Tony’s heart and refused to get out. It wasn’t just the fact that he was gorgeous, but it was the fact that he’d given Tony a chance even when he was a mouthy asshole. He’d seen goodness in Tony, they were friends now, and this… this love Tony had for him, it was killing him. It would hurt too much to see the pity in Steve’s eyes because of Howard, things would change. They had to.

Still, against the pessimistic part of his brain that suggested Steve would probably get all sentimental on him, he heard the message the other boy left.

  _“Hey, Tony, um… how are you? Darn it, I'm an idiot, that’s a stupid question. Of course you’re not okay, you’re… I wish I knew how you were. I wish I knew what to do to fix what that idiot Hammer broke. I wish…. Tony I wish for a lot of things now. Pepper told me about… well, you know. I just… it doesn’t matter to me, Tony. You’re… god, you're infuriating, and funny, and brilliant, and absolutely… Tony, you’re so many wonderful things I can’t even list. And, gosh I wish I could say this to your face but I know you, you probably have the whole place on lockdown, and I want you to have your space but… You are who you are because of all these things that have happened to you. I remember, after the accident, how you kind of shut down on me like this too. I remember helping you out of that and… and now, you’re so much… better. You were amazing before, but now you're so much more wonderful, so much more… beautiful. Remember when Mom died? That song you made fun of me for having on repeat so much? I… Tony, I don’t do lonely well, at all. I can’t… I can’t face the world without you, Tony. You're… you make me so much better, and I miss you. This past week… it’s been hell. Please, call me. It’s okay, you’re okay, and I need you, alright? Talk to me, please.”_

Steve’s voice is what finally snapped Tony out of his self pity. It sounded so… well, it sounded so broken. Like he expected Tony to ignore everything he’d confessed, the last line said in barely a whisper as if hoping for something impossible. Tony didn’t even hesitate, finally deciding that if there was anyone in the world he could talk to about this head on, it would be Steve.

“Jarvis, I’m going over to Steve’s!” he called as he ran through the house to the garage. His butler/surrogate father poked his head out of the kitchen and smiled knowingly at him.

“I’m glad, sir. Call if you need anything,” then he disappeared back into the kitchen leaving a grinning Tony behind.

He made it to Steve’s apartment building in record time, it wasn’t huge but it was in a good part of town. He didn’t even feel the five flags of stairs he had to take to reach it, elevator was taking too long, and he was breathless as he waited for Nana to open the door. The old gal stared up in surprise at him before grinning like she knew his secret. Which she probably did, the woman knew everything.

“Antonio! So glad to see you, it’s been so long! Give your Nana a hug,” a grinning Tony stooped down to give the old lady a hug. She latched on to him ferociously, giving him a kiss on the cheek that made him close his eyes and bury his face in her shoulder. “Now you listen to me, young man, no matter what _anyone_ has said or done to you, you are one of the most amazing kids I have ever met. You are perfect, Antonio, you’re better than this world deserves  and yet here you are. You must never forget that.” She let him hide his face in her shoulder, rubbing his back, until the broken, hitched breaths he was taking slowed down. Steve’s Nana was one of the best people Tony knew, and if she believed in him, then he wasn’t so bad, right? She gave him a brilliant smile, her own eyes tearing up a bit, as she cleaned the tracks on his face. “Now, go see what that grandson of mine is doing. He’s had his sad music on all night.” She let him into the apartment and shoved him towards the hallway.

It was a short walk to Steve’s room, and he had to stand in front of the door trying to calm his breathing. He could do this, he could talk to Steven about it, he would understand. Steve was… well, he was perfect. He’d know what to say, he always made Tony feel better, feel… more than he was. Steven made Tony feel _good_ , he could talk to him about it. Tell him about how he felt, yeah, he could do that. The song inside the room ended and then began again.

 _Baby since you've been gone_ __  
I leave the TV on  
Gotta hear somebody's voice  
I just need some kind of noise  
I lay some pillows down  
To wrap my arms around  
I pretend I'm holding you  
I know it's sad but it's what I do  
To keep me from goin' crazy  
  
I can get up and face the day  
Just fine all by myself  
Go out and take on the world  
And get it done like nobody else  
Ohh but I don't do lonely well

Without hesitating further, Tony didn’t even bothered to knock; he opened the door to find Steve lying on his double bed. He was staring up at the ceiling, but quickly turned to look at the doorway and froze. Tony stood stock still as well, noticing what Steve had in his hands. About a year before, the whole group had gone to a theme park on the fourth of July for Steve’s birthday. They’d gorged themselves on sweets and greasy food, had gotten on every ride, and at the end of the night they’d gone and played on the different games booths they’d had. Tony had managed to somehow win the ring tossing game even though the thing was rigged, the variables and angles didn’t match, but that hadn’t mattered because he’d won a stuffed Captain America plush toy with a ginormous head. He’d given it to Steve, laughing about how it was a Captain just like him, and how the super hero was a goody two shows and god knows what else. Steve had won him an Iron Man one afterwards, it still occupied a spot on his bed.

“You know why I gave you that thing?” Tony heard himself say. Steve looked at him for a moment before shaking his head. “He’s a hero, and… since we met, that’s how I've seen you. You… save me, I guess, back when we were twelve. I took one look at you, hand outstretched and trying to keep me safe even when you were scrawny and thought… he’s my hero. Sappy, I know, but… I've never been able to think about you otherwise.”

“Tony—“ Steve began but Tony held a hand up to stop him. He looked down at his feet and wrung his hands, gods this was difficult. Taking a deep breath, he looked back up at Steve, and saw happiness, wariness, hope, and… something much more in his brilliant blue eyes that somehow gave him the courage to say what he had to.

“This is what I do, Steve, when shit gets bad I run away. I push people way, keep them from making me feel things, and that’s what I tried to do with you. All of you. But… that stupid song is right, I _don’t_ do lonely well. I _eats_ at me, this past week was destroying me and it wasn’t until I got your message that I realized it. but I was scared, Stevie, I was scared of… of you _pitying_  me because I hate that, I absolutely _loath_ it… it makes me feel weak, it makes me feel scared and tiny and powerless. It makes me feel like I have no control; that no matter what I do Howard will always be there, ghosting over me, crushing me under his shadow. Having the others… having _you_ with pity in your eyes… I might as well kill myself, because I couldn’t be able to take it. Yeah, I took it from Rhodey and Pepper but… I couldn’t take it from you, not from someone I… someone I _love_ this deeply.” All of this was said in a rush, because Tony knew that if he stopped he would never continue and Steve deserved to know. Deserved to know that he hadn’t done anything to push the mess that was Tony away. Still, the young genius couldn’t look the other boy in the eye, he was terrified.

“Tony, come here,” Steve said, both all soft and tremulous and Tony could do nothing but comply. He sat close to the other boy, needing the contact, and as if reading his mind Steve took hold of his hand. The other boy’s hand was rough, and warm, bigger than Tony’s, he noticed with some surprise. It didn’t frighten him though, those hands weren’t made to hurt; they were meant to comfort. Tony found himself leaning against Steve, and clutching at his hand as if it were a life line, which it was. Steve was Tony’s life line. “I could never look at you with pity, Tony. I don’t think my heart has place for that, you’ve already filled it up with so much more. Admiration, because you’re so smart and now that I know, because you survived so much. Pride, because no matter what happens you keep going. Lust,” and here Steve blushed, because, _Steve_. “Because you're the most gorgeous guy I've ever met. But most of all, Tony, you’ve filled me with love. I can’t believe I love you as much as I do, and… you loving me, gosh Tony, I'm fighting so hard not to embarrass either one of us by crying but… you make me happy, Tony, you make me feel alive, and warm, and comforted and special. What your father did doesn’t define you, Tony, you’re better than that. That’s why I love you,” and Steve did what Tony had been waiting for what seemed for years. He grabbed hold of Tony’s chin with the hand that he wasn’t holding, turned him around, and gave him a kiss so sweet it was obscene. It was soft, and tender, and slow, and Tony was the one to make it awkward because he started crying.

“Sh, Tony,” Steve said after Tony’s tears interrupted them. He maneuvered them until his back was pressed against the wall and pulled Tony into his lap. “You’re okay; it’s alright, just cry it out, baby.” He held him just a little too tight, making Tony’s whole world warm and safe and _loved_ as the dark haired boy clung to his shirt. “Just let it go, love, just let it go. You’re okay, I love you, you’re okay.”

Tony lost track of time after that, lost in the comfort of Steve’s arms. Steve loved him, it kind of boggled his mind and made him giddy all at the same time. Howard’s mistakes, he finally accepted, were his own. They didn’t have to affect him, he could choose how he viewed his scars, and he decided to view them as battle scars. They taught him something, Howard’s abuse were his source of strength now, thanks to Steve. They should have been that all along, not a bleeding injury but a healed scar, a reminder of what he had been through.

The next day Tony would call an Avengers Assemble, a name his friends had taken from one of their favorite movies. He would tell them everything, he would cry in front of them and all of them, including Natasha and Loki, would cry with him. He would lay himself bare, and they will love him and support him even with that. In that moment though, with Steve’s arms wrapped tightly around him and his now-boyfriend’s breath in his ear, Anthony Edward Stark was remade. In that moment, a new life was beginning for a scarred genius and his own Prince Charming. 


End file.
